Maintaining a set of enemies is exhausting, and not always terribly productive.  The world has enough negative energy.  The news, social media, businesses, and politicians all conspire to turn us one against another, to create enemies where none need to exist.  It is possible for you to take an “enemy inventory” and make a better life.

How Did You Gain This Enemy?

It is important to know your part in this enemy.

• You were the instigator.
• You are the aggravator
• You labelled them an enemy.
• They instigated and you won’t let it go.
• You imagined it all and the feeling is not mutual.

How Do You Keep the Enemy?

There are a few ways to keep an enemy.

• You aggravate the situation by persisting in an offending behaviour.
• The conflict is not resolved and neither side will back down.
• You do not make moves to rectify the situation.
• You are unable or unwilling to understand nor to forgive.
• You assume bad intention.
• You judge the other’s values as being different.

Reasons to Keep an Enemy?

There are a few reasons an enemy can be useful.  No judgement list:

• Your enemy threatens your survival.
• Your enemy keeps you from achieving your goals.
• Your enemy is hurting you or someone you care about.
• Your enemy lives a different set of values and you want them to change.
• Your enemy’s existence helps you gather followers in your cause.
• Your enemy’s existence provides the motivation you have to fulfill you ambitions.
• Your enemy’s existence allows you to shift blame away from yourself. 

Do You Agree on Being Enemies?

Sometimes, the feeling is not even mutual.

• Misunderstanding:  Enemies don’t even agree on the issue.
• Ignorance: One person has no idea the other considers him/her an enemy.
• Subjectivity: One person dismisses the notion that the other is an enemy.

Does Your Enemy Have a Point?

Regardless of your enemy’s behaviour or faults, consider that:

• It may be (partially) your fault.  
• Your enemy finds your role useful.
• Your ego is the only thing driving this.

Who is not an enemy?

You can downgrade enemies to simply annoyances, or better yet, simply cease to let them bother you.

• A person with different political views.
• A person with different religious views.
• A historical enemy that cannot repeat their trespasses.
• A porcupine that stings you.
• A person that insults your pride.
• Someone who cuts you off in traffic.
• A business, sport, scholastic competitor.
• etc

What is the Cost of Keeping an Enemy?

Energy.  Energy.  Energy.  When there is a lot of blame, hate and fear of an enemy, the cost is enormous.  “Keep for friends close and your enemies closer” is a pretty good adage, but it actually may miss the point.  Maybe the adage should be “Keep your friends close and turn your enemies into friends” or something like that!  This may be easier said than done, but actively removing enemies from your life can lead to a better existence for yourself and those around you.

Conclusion

Now is a good time for each of us to perform an “enemy inventory”.  Examining the where, when, why, how of the situation and actively deciding to eliminate enemies will result in more harmony in our lives, and the world.

It is also important to work on Appreciation and reduce Blame.

I would love to hear your comments on enemies!  Please comment below.