There are moments in your life where it seems your to-do list is growing too fast.  Items are being added on, and you feel out of control.  The truth is that you can say no!  You can feel good about it, and know you are doing the right thing for yourself and others.

Read on for an analysis of why you may be scared to say no, what the consequences of saying yes are, and some tips on getting control back in your life.

Saying Yes Too Much

Similarly, life circumstances can conspire to create dangerous situations.  If we look close enough, we can see the “square waves” and recognize that we are in danger of failing.  Can you relate to:

1. The parent who stayed up until 2 AM to bake cookies for the bake sale?
2. The employee that has said yes to too many projects?
3. The entrepreneur who has started too many businesses?
4. The boss that identifies 3 top priorities, not 1?
5. The procrastinator whose to do list is so deep that nothing gets done?
6. The neighbour that drives someone to the airport for 3 hours?
7. The friend who helps another person move or build a deck?

Many of these items are like nice things to do for others.  You can show appreciation by helping others and be appreciated.  It is a wonderful feeling.  However, the sum total can come at a price.

Negative Emotions

For many of us, it is difficult to say “no”.  We associate many negative feelings:

1. You are not giving enough.
2. You are worried the requestor will look down on you.
3. You are weak for not taking on more.
4. You do not play nice with the tribe.
5. You do not care enough to help.
6. You feel your status will be diminished.
7. You feel you will not compare to somebody else.
8. You are letting others down.

The Consequences

However, it is important to consider that saying “Yes”, indiscriminately, has consequences:

1. You simply become tired.
2. You end up failing at some of them.
3. Bad Quality.  You do not deliver with your usual quality.
4. You start to resent the requestors.
5. No Control.  You are no longer in the driver’s seat of your life.
6. People can potentially take advantage of you.

The Path to Overload

So, many times you end up overloaded.  You forget about the finite capacity in your life.  Saying “yes” to everything has become dangerous and ends up disappointing yourself and others.  It is so easy to get there.

Ultimately, the situation you are in is generally a result of all of the decisions you have made.

Awareness

Be aware.  Recognize when you are getting too busy.  Try maintaining a prioritized to-do list.  Put an “effort score” on everything on your list.  And then, at the very top of the list, put a “Busyness Index” from 0 to 10.  If you maintain this list in a journal every day, you can see how busy you feel every day.  You will know that a Busyness Index of 70, for example, is manageable, and 90 means you need to stop taking commitments.

Pro tip:  If you write your to-do list and find out it is too long, simply try giving yourself permission to NEVER do things on the list.

Say No Ruthlessly

When your Busyness Index is too high, then say “No” ruthlessly.  You can even tell people about your busyness index, and it will not allow you to take on more items.  Conveniently, the requestor will respect your system, the reason for it, and is more likely than not to take things personally.

Schedule Slack in Your Life

Make sure that there is enough slack in your life.  In your to-do list, schedule an hour of Netflix, or Family Time, or whatever is important to you.  Put it in priority with all the other items.  This not only helps to be aware and appreciative of your downtime, but helps you say no to other things.  “Too Busy” includes “Slack Time”.

Techniques on Saying No to Others

1. Just Say It.  “My schedule (Busyness Index) does not allow it.”
2. Depersonalize.  “My busyness index is too high right now, and not likely to change.”
3. Ask for Priority.  With a boss, especially.  “I have items A, B, C, and I can only accomplish one.  Which one should it be?”

Techniques on Saying No to Yourself

This seems like a strange topic, but we need to learn to say no to ourselves as well.  We have all had that day at the buffet when we took more food than we could possibly eat.  This should also apply to decisions we are trying to make.  Here are a set of questions to ask when you are considering a request.

1. Will I enjoy fulfilling this request?
2. Is the requestor important to me?
3. Do I risk not being able to fulfill other requests?
4. Are there higher priority items that will be risked?
5. What is the worst thing that happens if I say no?
6. Will my future self hate me for this commitment?

Conclusion

You can say no and be fair to yourself and to others.  You ultimately end up being a well-rounded individual with enough time and energy to say yes with enthusiasm and be of service to others.